Life Power Now - for gay men

I heard quoted on KPCC’s Airtalk a few weeks ago a 19 year old who was clear that her two mom's right to marry was not about religion or politics, but about love. She was also clear that those who still opposed same-sex marriage would unfortunately, never truly understand love. When I heard this I was deeply struck with the realization that the politically and socially recognized right to marry positively penetrates so much more than the couple getting married. This nineteen year old shows that children being raised by same sex parents are well provided for and grow up to be loving, empathic, and well-adjusted. There is scientifically sound research that supports this assertion.

Gays and lesbians living authentically and fully self-expressed with children will allow people to see that joy and love are not harmful to those with different values. As this occurs I feel we will have more and more alllies supporting our right to love. There are same-sex marriage opponents who argue that it will erode traditional and social standards that have been entrenched since the time of the Bible. The argument adds that gay marriage will distort children’s views of sex and love. What they fail to acknowledge is that society does not evolve out of a rigid adherence to tradition. Our country and society itself was founded out of radical departures from oppression and stifled expression.

Gay men and women have been adopting and birthing children and creating family structures for years. Children will continue to have gay and lesbian parents regardless of whether or not marriage is legally sanctified. In the United States alone 10 million people have at least one gay or lesbian parent. It can only be productive for a child to evolve in an environment in which the love his or her gay parents share is legally and socially accepted.

One of the great things about gay parenting is that unless the couple comes together after traditional marriages where they had children they must go through extraordinary means to have them, which indicates great desire. I personally know gay parents who have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on a surrogate to have children. Of course this also includes the arduous road gays and lesbians sometimes have to navigate to adopt. Research cited from an article in the journal of the American Sociological Association by Laura Hamilton, et.al (Indiana University) indicates that this path to parenthood elicits intensified commitments to forming an ideal family. It also illustrates that parents who adopt may actually spend more money on their children and spend more time with them engaged in activities such as reading, traditional family dinners, and openly discussing issues. In this study of 13,000 parents with 161 families headed by two adoptive households findings indicate that children are not necessarily better off with biological parents. The study also illustrates that adoptive parents actually rate better on activities including helping with homework, parental involvement in school, exposure to cultural activities and family. Also, the study specifically states that gay and lesbian parents may go the extra mile to ensure children’s welfare in response to stigma and less social acceptance.

In addition, a review of 21 research studies over the past 20 years by Judith Stacey and Timothy J. Biblarz at University of Southern California also published in the journal of American Socioligcal Association illustrates that children of lesbian or gay parents have more empathy and less attachment to rigid gender roles. Sons tend to be more nurturing and affectionate and daughters tend to feel comfortable pursuing traditionally masculine occupations. There are opponents to same-sex marriage who actually question whether or not these differences are healthy. I find it ludicrous to think that raising children with a healthier balance of masculine and feminine energy is undesirable.

There is also a summary of research in a journal published by the APA, “Gay and Lesbian Parenting” that indicates that children of gay and lesbian parents showed no significant difference in traditional gender roles. This means that girls play with dolls and boys play with trucks. As a matterof fact the summary states that studies of youth at the stage of sexual identification are more identified as heterosexual. It even suggests that parenting skills of lesbians and gays are better than their heterosexual counterparts. It attributes this to greater awareness among lesbian non-biological mothers as opposed to biological heterosexual fathers. In addressing questions regarding sexual abuse the research clearly illustrates that the overwhelming cases of sexual abuse are of adult males abusing young females. Longitudinal studies of lesbian mothers showed zero signs of sexual abuse. There is no evidence that indicates children of gays and lesbians are at risk.

Is it fair that children of gay parents are under a microscope? It seems any typical developmental challenge a child of a gay parent may have will contain default blame called “See, gay men and lesbians shouldn’t be married or be parents!” There are an abundance of people in prisons and jails in our society. It is highly likely that these children have all had parents that are heterosexual. I would like to ask these heterosexual parents how they would react if their right to marry was based on the often uncontrollable outcome of the health of their children?

In the review of this research it is apparent that being raised by same sex parents might prove beneficial in ways that being raised by opposite sex parents couldn’t. Therefore, the argument that gay marriage is detrimental to society because of its potential effect on children seems erroneous. My assumption is that those who claim that gay marriage is unhealthy for children have not taken the responsibility to comprehensively explore the research available that proves otherwise. This leads me to ponder if a society of hate has blindly become a money making institution. If these organizations claim to be invested in the interest of children one might question why they do not take the millions upon millions of dollars raised to spread hate and fear and feed and clothe the plethora of children living far below the poverty line right here in California.

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Works Cited:
Does the Sexual Orientation of Parents Matter?, by Judith Stacey, University of Southern California and Timothy J. Biblarz, University of Southern California © 2001 American Sociological Association.

Adoptive Parents, Adaptive Parents: Evaluating the Importance of Biological Ties for Parental Investment by Laura Hamilton, Indiana University, Simon Cheng, Indiana University, Brian Powell, Indiana University, American Sociological Association, 2007
http://www.asanet.org/galleries/default-file/Feb07ASRAdoption.pdf

Lesbian and Gay Parenting, by Gary W. Harper, PHD, Robin A. Buhrke, PHD, Louise B. Silverstein, PhD, Beth Doll, PhD, American Psychological Association, 2005.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Jason Mannino,MA has been in transformational work for many years. He has trained with Sondra Ray in Conscious Breathwork and has participated with her in Rebirthing trainings and the LRT (Loving Relatinships Training) as an assistant and coordinator. Currently, Jason practices Personal Coaching, Healing and Bodywork. He also has significant corporate background in Executive Recruiting throughout the Entertainment Industry. Jason has experience with hundreds of clients in one-on-one and group settings. Learn more about Jason or contact him for a 30min. introductory coaching session through his website: www.jmannino.com